My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
