Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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