If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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