I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
