She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
