very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
