I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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