found the other keg... it's in the tree
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
