I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
