I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
