omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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