maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
