paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
