I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
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for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
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drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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