Grow some girl-balls and come out already
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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