Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
