Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
