I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
