I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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