things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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