She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
