I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Your penis caused this!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
