break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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