I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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