I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
