thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
