Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
