My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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