you guys were way drunker than both of me
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
