someone owes me an orgasm
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
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