if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
