i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
