Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
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You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
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How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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