Rock
Scissors
Fuck
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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