i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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