Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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