What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
