what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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