it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
