i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
it's like heaven, but drunker
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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