Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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