Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
