We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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