At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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