its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I think my moral compass just broke
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
