you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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