I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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