the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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