Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
