Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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