tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
