Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
