Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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