Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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