too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
