I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
