Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
