first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
