yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
