So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My vagina is officially offended.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
