never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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