do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
