He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
