She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Fuck appropriateness.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
