her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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