My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
