No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
