he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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