let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
