i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
