Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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