I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
