SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
