I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My vagina just recognized that song.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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