Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
